Fearless

Can you believe it's already almost 2013?! We made it through 12/21/12. Imagine that one.

So looking back on 2012, I can almost say that I have a little satisfaction with my year. So much has happened. Got accepted to my first choice college. Got my first car. Started a new job. Flew in an airplane alone.
In 2012, my team mate and friend Candace went to be with our Savior. Hard as that experience has been for a lot of us, I want to share with you how it has taught me.
For about a month after it happened, I didn't even want to leave the house for fear of coming home and something having happened to my family. It terrified me. I'm still dealing with that problem. But after a while, I don't really know when, I decided something. I decided that in 2012 I wanted to face my fears. Candace was fearless, I swear. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind. Wasn't afraid to try anything. And it inspired me. I am a pretty fearful person. I don't like facing fears, don't like stepping out of my comfort zone. But this year, I really did. For the first time.
First of all, I gave blood. I am TERRIFIED of giving blood. Something about it just makes me CRAZY. It always has. But I couldn't be happier that I did, and I got the shirt to prove it ;) Not only that but I plan on doing it again this spring.
Then, I asked my own prom date to prom. Haha, that's kind of an embarrassing one to admit, but I did it and prom was a lot of fun and I'm so glad that I did.
Next, I rode a roller coaster for the first time and it was so much fun. SO MUCH. I screamed the whole time but it was the best, and I kept on riding them. I'm a roller coaster junkie now. ;)
This summer I rode an airplane by myself. That was a big step for me. First of all, it involved leaving Arkansas and leaving my family for 3 weeks to go to Michigan, which in itself terrified me, because at that time I hadn't left them for that long since Candace had passed. It was incredibly difficult, but man God is great and he taught me a lot through it. To get home, I had to ride an airplane on standby by myself. Now, if any of you have ever flown on standby, you know how touch and go it is. There is never a guarantee that you will get a seat, and man, I sure will have stories about that to tell my kids :). On my last leg of the trip I got stuck in St. Louis for 9 hours watching my flights go by until finally, on the last flight of the day, I got on. However, during the day I was sitting at a table after I had had a pity party and cried for an hour because I wanted to be home so badly, and my friend Amber had been waiting to pick me up in Little Rock all day for me. I was just sitting there reading my bible when a man came and sat down with me while he waited for his flight. Seriously, he was the most precious old man. We talked about God for about an hour, talked about life. It was fantastic. He even added me to his prayer list. :) He was such a sweetheart, and I will NEVER forget that trip.
Another fear was probably the biggest of this year. I went on a mission trip to Dallas, and while on the trip, the Lord convicted me that I needed to quit basketball. That was the thing I was most terrified to do. I knew people wouldn't understand. I was scared that I would just go back to being that loser girl. I was so scared. But because of my God's sweet faithfulness, He gave me the grace to give it up. It's still something I struggle with, but I am so glad that I listened.
Haha, this one is a little goofy, but it still happened! When school was about to start, I heard that my school's band needed another bass drummer. Haha, our band director is kind of terrifying before ya know him, and I had NEVER played a drum. But I figured, what the hey, and I joined. It has been so much fun. I've gotten to spend the year with my best friends and it's been so hilariously fun.
On of my biggest fears of all time was singing in front of people. I faced this fear twice this year.
The first time was when I sang the national anthem at a basketball game on senior night. Man, I was shaking for that night. Then I sang two songs at the choir variety show. You talk about nervous. I basically forgot how to breathe for a few minutes, haha.

Some of the other things I did this year were smaller or whatever, but to me, they were like overcoming the world. I am so glad that I chose to live without fear this year. Obviously, there are still things that I wish I would have done, but I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to do this. No matter if something or someone inspires you to do this for a year, I would seriously encourage you to do it. Face every fear you can and just live. I have so many new memories because I chose to not let my fear dominate my life anymore. Whoever you are, whatever you're scared of, face it. It frees your spirit.
Go skydiving.
Forgive someone.
Learn how to surf.
Join a club.
Tell everyone you love that you love them.
Visit another country.
Take a roadtrip.
Be proud of yourself.
Trust God with you're life, guys. Put it in His hands and get ready for the ride of your life.
Candace, thank you for being fearless. Thanks for being real always. I miss you.
"Being fearless isn't being 100% unafraid. It's being completely terrified and jumping anyway."
Happy new year, everyone.