7 weeks.

7 weeks.
7 weeks since I have laid my feet on American soil.
7 weeks since I have hugged my mom and dad.
7 weeks since I have spoken to my precious nieces and nephew, or laughed with a sister.
7 weeks since I have lived in the mindset of the old Joanna Marie McCormick.

Deep breath. Exhale. Sometimes I feel like I have to remind myself to do that. It feels like the past 7 weeks have gone by in a matter of days. Almost too hard for me to believe that I am far over half way done with the lecture phase of my DTS. Almost impossible to imagine the girl I used to be, but still desperately hard at times to not choose the mindsets I used to live in. New level, new devil - as our speakers have said. Jesus has become so much more to me than I ever imagined He could be, or wanted to be. He has called me out of deep waters, drawn me out of dry deserts, loved me into His presence. It's almost too hard for me to fathom.

Last week our speakers Adam and Shane spoke on the topic of Original Design. Basically this means, teaching us who God made us to be and actually praying over us individually for words from our Father about who we are. Back to basics. Removing all of the wires and bumpers the world has put around us to keep us blocked into a certain perspective and mindset. It was SUCH a blessing.
I won't go into HUGE detail about everything that Adam and Shane spoke over me, but I will highlight a few things to go into.
- They really pinpointed healing hands that God gave to me. I don't know if this necessarily means the gift of healing, but I think a big part of it is the way I love to speak healing words and truth into people. They spoke about how the enemy came at a young age to shame and slap my hands away, but in this time Father is putting His healing hands over mine. I never really realized how past relationships and times in my life have caused me to pull back my hands and stop reaching out, but it was so spot on. Being here has been such a healing time for me to learn how to start speaking into people and letting Father throw the shame the enemy has put into my life out.
- They spoke about how God created me with a personality to rally the next generation and a joyful spirit to make others feel welcome. God has really been pouring joy into my heart since I have been here, really explaining to me about the reasons I have certain emotions. It has been so relieving. The pressure is off of me SO much to have to be sorrowful or cry in certain situations when all I feel is joy! I LOVE THE JOY OF THE LORD!! He has embraced me and remade me!

OK, so that is just a tiny taste of what has been happening. I really want to share with y'all the AWESOME weekend I had two weeks ago here in south island New Zealand.

Kingdom weekend. Sounds legit right? It was. Basically, it was Thursday to Sunday, and two of the schools here headed out in groups of two or three with 30 bucks, only to be used to bless others, no food, no place to stay. You had to hitch rides to a certain location, rely on the Lord for food, shelter, etc.
Catherine and David were my two teammates, so on Thursday we headed out. Previously, our group had prayed and felt that the Lord was leading us to head to the top of the south island to a beautiful city called Nelson. It is about a 6 hour drive, more or less, and that's without stopping. So on our first day, we had two hitches, and we made it all of about an hour away to Amberley. A HUGE portion of the time was spent with a beautiful woman named Mandy. She had a huge heart and the most free spirit I have ever encountered. She was very into spiritual healing, getting in tune with your body, stuff like that. She picked us up, and with a huge grin on her face, she told us she was simply out for an adventure and if we would like to join her, she would take us as far as she went. So the three of us hopped in and headed out for a very unexpected afternoon! She took us to a few beaches, just did life with us. At one point at the first beach, she asked me for a song of thanksgiving, as I had my ukelele with me, and we stood on the shore of the pacific ocean as I had the amazing opportunity to sing her one of the songs I have written with Jesus. SO COOL. David was able to share the Gospel with her (YEAH GOD) and she really received. I could probably spend a huge amount of time talking about her, but for lack of time I will just say this: this precious daughter of the most high King was a DELIGHT and an answer to prayer, and I truly hope that she encounters the amazing love of her Father.
After that, our team felt that we were simply supposed to hike, no hitching. So from Amberley our group set out towards... North. Haha, we honestly didn't actually know if we were even going the correct direction. A man stopped on a dirt road ahead of us, who just so happened to know exactly who we were, what we were doing, how much money we had. He had housed a group of YWAMers the year before and has lived in NZ long enough to know that a group of 2 girls and 1 guy were either YWAMers or poor Kiwis. So he picked us up (right across from a field I had had a picture of the day before) and took us on an errand he was running to an elderly couple in the community, which just so happened to be home to one of the first sailors on the Anastasis, YWAM's first missions ship, and the ship my sister was on at one point! AHHH. From there, we went to the man's home, which housed 7 beautiful bilingual children and a delightful mother! They were of German descent and they were seriously HUGE blessings. They fed us AMAZING German bread and we got to cut down a tree at their house the next day with all 7 children. God really does give some AWESOME opportunities in life :)

The next day our team stood in the middle of Amberley and tried hitching for about a half an hour. After a while, Catherine spoke out a prayer that would turn out to be VERY important and hilarious.
"God, we know you have someone for us specifically to ride with, so would you just make them HURRY up!"
About 5 minutes later an Asian couple visiting from Beijing pulled over. The man was a first time driver on the left side of the road(oh my gosh.) but he was excitedly ready to roadtrip with our group the 2.5 hours it would take to drive up the coast to Kiakoura. People, listen. This man, God bless him, was the SLOWEST driver I have ever ridden with. There were points, driving around the tight curves that take you along the coast, that there would be a line of 5 or 6 cars behind us honking, and I would be fairly certain the car was completely stopped! That's where Catherine's hilarious prayer came in. No wonder it took so long for him to drive and pick us up! He was the SLOWEST driver on the planet!
But the REALLY cool part of this was that Catherine was able to share the story from Genesis to Jesus' resurrection with the couple. He admitted that he had heard a version of the story before, but he figured that because it had passed along the generations for so many years that there must have been huge changes made to the story. Catherine and I spent the rest of the trip really speaking into how much God loves us, just really pouring the love of our Father over Him. He told us that was completely new for him!! After the trip he was very interested in YWAM and Catherine gave him her Bible. IT WAS SO SO COOL! GOD IS SO SO COOL. He received it so well and asked us questions. What a divine appointment, eh?
 I could probably go on and on, like when we prayed all day for a big fish dinner and then our hitch home randomly stopped and bought us all an abundance of fish and chips for our dinner, or when we got to sleep in a church when we were completely homeless because of a random bout of obedience in saying no to a manipulative person who tried to get us to come into a bar with him. But honestly this blog post would be entirely too long so you can ask me personally for some really cool God stories.

I guess more than anything, I want you all to know the change that has taken place in me because of my encounter with Father's love. Because of the abundance of His mercy/grace/love/etc. I want you all to know how good my Daddy is. Having a great Earthly dad can change your life, but man, when you encounter the love of a perfect heavenly father, it changes your eternity. I am so thankful to be here and I want you all to know how much it means to have the support of my loving friends and family back home. I deeply treasure my relationships with you and I am so excited to share more stories of God's faithfulness with you soon, because believe me, there are some big ones coming.

Love, Dad.

I guess realizing that for 18 years you knew you had a God who told you He was your father but never really realizing I am not an orphan is a little mind blowing.

I mean, lets be real, I have a heck of a family. My dad rocks on so many levels, my mom is a total superstar, and all 4 sisters just blow me out of the water. I never really thought I needed that Heavenly Dad. "He's only for the orphaned kids. The ones who had really bad dad's and don't understand what it's like to have a good dad." As if I was immune to the disease of this life. As if He was indifferent towards me because I "didn't need Him as bad". WOW.
I didn't get that He actually cared about the heartbreak I had suffered in my life. That He actually hurts for my hurts because He is my Dad. My Father. And that it's ok for me to acknowledge that I have been hurt even though it was different than other wounds people had suffered.

"Ha, Jo, how much of a jerk would you have to be to pretend like you've been wounded. Look at those other kids around you who have suffered cataclysmic pains in their lives. You have NO room to talk."
"Jo, get over yourself. You think you deserve that kind of a friendship from someone? You think it's ok for you to just approach them and think you deserve their love?"
"Well, I'm glad you don't think you're enough Jo, because you aren't. You can't even compete with the other girls out there. Guess you should just accept it because that's how it is."

For some reason, in my eyes these things were just acceptable because I could "get past them on my own". God was "indifferent to the lies satan was spoonfeeding me because I had a good dad who loved me and that was enough." How wrong. Somehow, the hardest part for me to grasp is that I grew up knowing that satan lies in these ways to us all the time. That he is just like that, but I didn't think that the lies he told me were enough to need help overcoming.

Here's the deal. I have been fed lie after lie after lie for so long that, even now that God has exposed those lies and called me out of them, it is still almost overwhelming to think that I was so entangled and that satan had such a hold in my life.
"But God.."

He says I'm enough. He says He doesn't need any talents or works I can offer to make me more worth it. He says Joanna Marie McCormick as she is is enough because Jesus makes me enough. He says when he looks at me, he sees beauty. Actually, let me just tell you what He told me through a song he wrote, through me, for me, and for every girl who has been told by the world that she isn't enough.

Beautiful princess
There was a voice in your life
Told you that everything that you were
Could never measure up
Up to what I see
 
But I'll remember quite clearly
The night you finally realized
Said "Daddy, could you help me?
Could you show me what you see,
Cause everything that I see
is broken."

Oh my daughter
I'm here to wage war on all of the lies
Cause I say that it's just about time you open your eyes

Everything from your head to your toes
The freckles on your nose
I paint even those
The sound of you singing
Your gentle heart beating
It's all what makes you worth it to me

Faith like a child
What a beautiful thing
But somewhere along the way
Somebody told you that you were too much for me

Oh my daughter
I'm here to wage war on all of the lies
Cause now I say that it's just about time you open your eyes

Everything from your head to your toes
The freckles on your nose
I paint even those
The sound of you singing
Your gentle heart beating
It's all what makes you worth it to me

Well, Dad could you show me
Cause I just don't see what you see
Well, darling, it's simple
When I see you I just see me

- I didn't know it, but this Jo, the one the world says needs to be different to be loved, is enough. She is worth it, and she is lovely. Isn't it great? Because that makes you worth it too, if only you'd let your heart be opened to it.

All in.

My dad and I were talking tonight, and he mentioned I should share the first God story that ignited my trip to New Zealand.

One spring night, my friend Amber and I were laying in a bed in my house talking. I had been feeling very discouraged about my future after high school, and I didn't seem to be getting any big florescent signs pointing anywhere at all.
"I just don't know what I'm going to do if YWAM doesn't work out," I said to her, "I just really don't have a peace about college this fall." I had been waiting on a reply for my application to YWAM Oxford New Zealand for several weeks, and I had dead lines for colleges coming up. At the time, I had already told John Brown University that I was unsure if I would be attending their college this fall, and I was running out of time to make a final decision. I remember thinking, I need something, God. Anything.
Two nights later I was standing in Subway, where I work, and they were just about to shut down for the night. One of the girls working, Erica, had previously done a YWAM DTS in Belize.
Side Note:
YWAM stands for Youth With a Mission, and DTS stands for Discipleship Training School. It is basically an organization that trains and sends people with a passion for God into the world to shout His name and share His love. If you want to find out what this is all about, go to www.ywam.org.

Anyway, we were standing in Subway, and my phone sounded the alert that I had just received an email. Now, I only got this sound when an email came to my account that I used solely for applications to college and YWAM. I remember hearing it, and my heart sped up a little. Lord, I need something. I opened the email, and there it was, my acceptance to YWAM Oxford. At first I jumped up and down, screaming at my friend who had previously done YWAM, and both of us freaked out a little.. ok a lot. My next reaction was, oh my lanta, how is this possibly going to happen? At the time both of my parents were out of state. I called them to tell them what had happened. My dad didn't even know I had applied! I guess I really didn't think I was going to get in! haha.

The next day I was sitting in class, and my mind went straight to DTS. Lord, if this is what you have for me, let's do it, but I need a whoooole lot of money and I need a check in the mail when I get home. I need to start this now. I remember getting home from school, and looking at that mailbox and really knowing this was it. I opened the mailbox, and right there was the check I had won for some talent show I got second place in. Not a day sooner, not a day later. That check arrived right on time, and right on time to pay for my first fee: my application fee, which happened to be 50 dollars, the exact amount of my check.

Guys, God is real. From having to go all in and have 2300 dollars to buy a plane ticket and having almost exactly that and enough left over for me to live off of until my next pay check, to needing a pack and being provided with the exact backpack I wanted from my sister, a backpack that had been passed by by customers for months because it didn't fit them right (guess who it happens to fit perfectly??) I don't care what your circumstances are or who you are or how long you've been running from Him. God is absolutely real and He is ready to take you on the ride of your life, if you're willing. It has not been easy waiting on Him. Believe me, I have 2 months until I leave and still somewhere between 3,000 and 5,000 dollars to raise. But as big as that dollar amount is, my God will always be bigger and more powerful. Whatever leap of faith you are so terrified to take, make the choice to throw back the chains of fear and run full speed towards Him. It's eternally worth it, and you might just have a few adventures along the way.

I guess they call this part of life, "Growing Up"

As I was leaving my sister Jen's house a few weeks ago, I was walking out along the driveway to my car. I turned to see that her daughter (my niece) Marin had followed me out. Marin is literally 5 going on 25. She is so smart. SO FUNNY. I turned as I was getting into my little white Honda and yelled out, "Love you!". She turned around and looked at me, said "Love you too, Aunt Jo!". I swear to you in that instant, I almost cried. Haha, as ridiculously dramatic as that sounds, I just began to think that this little girl, who was still inside of her mommy when we moved to Arkansas 5 years ago, was growing up so fast. 5 years have passed by remarkably quickly, and I suddenly had this familiar ache realizing that the 5 years I have had with this girl I had taken so for granted. I have lived in the same town as the little peanut for her whole life, and as it may not devastate her to say goodbye to me in the fall, it will be a real trial for me to face. She is so smart, so tall, so funny, so innocent. 6 months when you are 5 years old means you will develop 10 times the vocabulary, grow 3 feet, start on your career path. Haha, maybe that's only a little dramatic. But still, here I am standing in Jen's driveway and this flood of emotions comes on me and I realize that all I can do is lay them in the Lords hands and remember that it is HE who is guiding me on my journey to New Zealand this fall, and it is HE who has planned my life.

As the summer has gone on, I have begun to realize how many endings have passed or are quickly approaching. I know this is the cliche that everyone must be so tired of, but honestly, HOW could it have already been over 10 years since I was first a camper at Camp Barakel? How could it have been 5 years since I stepped out of the moving truck that held countless years of Michigan memories, which were then ending to start a whole new chapter of Arkansas stories? How could I be this girl now, a girl with 18 years worth of memories and challenges and achievements? I guess you could say this is a typical post-graduate blog, but I just can't help but reminisce for a moment.

I remember being a staff-kid at Camp Barakel, sitting at the tables in the East Side Dining Hall, passing Hannah Ford a note I had put meticulous artistic work into with a very memorable phrase written on the inside. "Will you be my best friend?" it read. How blessed I have been these 18 years that every trial and tear and laugh and joy we have been through, we have gone through together. But how could I forget my first soccer practice with Hannah's younger sister, Natalie, who little did I know would become one of the dearest people in the world to me. Or dressing up poor Daniel Douglas in the only clothes my family of sisters ever had for dress-up: dresses. He was always a trooper and amazingly did not hold those days of dress up against us, and decided to become such a partner in crime to Hannah, Natalie, and I. I will never forget watching my sisters pack up their belongings and haul it into camp for the summer to become technicians, always planning with excitement the day that would come when I got to take their place and back up my stuff into the back of Dad's patchwork of a pickup truck, the Beast, and move into camp for the summer, only to find out that God's plan is not always our plan. I traded summers of Teching in camp for long, hilarious nights with my Arkansas friends, Church camp with some of the best friends I can imagine, long, hot drives to Michigan for a few weeks of the old life, and always the first days of school in August at Ozark High School. And as much as I would have said 5 years ago that I would have given anything to spend those summers at camp, God knew where he was putting me, and he gave me some of the best memories a girl can ask for while I have been down here in Arkansas. I have been blessed beyond anything I deserve, from the times Amber Hicks and I would fly around Ozark on our bikes all summer long, the times Vinci Chan and I have wanted to keel over during our crossfit class, the times I laughed so hard that I cried while riding on the band bus after football games, the times I have been privileged to lead worship at my church, or the times I wanted so badly to make that shot in basketball. I have been blessed beyond reason.

The summer will pass quickly, and before I know it I will be on a plane headed for New Zealand. What an unexpected adventure the Lord has placed before me, and what a joy it will be to turn the page in my life and take another step. I guess you could say it's all bittersweet. This fall we will say goodbye to my sister and her family as they embark on a journey to England with the Lord for 3 years. I will watch my niece Marin blow out the candles on her 4th year and say hello to 5, Ava will turn 4, June will turn 3, and Sadie and William will be 1. How blessed I am to be an aunt to so many little peanuts. :)

I am so thankful to you all for the way you have encouraged my trip to New Zealand. I couldn't be more excited. You all have played such important roles in God's plan for my future.

Since I obviously can't end this with some corny goodbye, as I have to save those for September, I can end it with a verse, which will always make an appropriate ending. I will hold this verse as a promise from my Savior, that though it will never be easy for me to say goodbye to people and places, He is powerful and will accomplish infinitely more in my feeble, unimpressive life than I could ever imagine.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." - Ephesians 3:20