just be.

Nah, I'm no author. But I do have some words. A lot of people are afraid to be open. honest. real. I have something to say to the people out there that are just sad, but don't have any words to say that they are. that are afraid to be honest about being upset. It's okay to be sad. Ok? It's alright. Sometimes I'm sad too. Sometimes it's okay to lay on your bed and cry. pout. be afraid. feel pain. It's okay to be that way. I know I have this amazing life, full of God's blessings, but sometimes I'm sad too. Lately, I have been missing God. I have this hurt inside me because I don't feel him near. It's okay to be hurt. But God's always there. I know He is. I know that He is looking over my shoulder as I type this. But sometimes I feel like He's miles away. speaking to others but passing me by. I know that's not true. I that He's here. But sometimes it doesn't seem like it. Sometimes I have to take a deep breathe and remind myself that I'm still here. Sometimes I have to go underwater and be completely absent of thought and world and life and just imagine that the green tint of the water is all there is. Sometimes I have to scream it out. Sometimes I have to let the tears pour out onto my pillows just because. Sometimes I have to drive. Sometimes I have to just be Jo. Just this girl who wanders through life. I have a purpose. but sometimes I forget.

I miss Candace. A lot. It's hard for me to say that sometimes. Sometimes it makes me cry. Sometimes I smile because I remember her. I wish she was still here. I think if she was still here I wouldn't be sad so much now. But she wouldn't want me to be sad. She would want me to live. Really live. fearlessly. unconditionally. bravely. largely. but sometimes it's scary to live that way.

Sometimes I'm scared of the dark. failure. people. heights. fear. hurt. life. living. remembering. going to sleep. leaving. losing.
 But life goes on. Being afraid. lonely. hurt. angry. it's okay. it's okay to be those things. Sometimes it stinks to be that way. but life goes on.  
Be sad. Be alive. Feel it. really feel it.  
go drive to somewhere you've never been 
face your fears 
eat something that really grosses you out 
find a new favorite song 
ride your bike at 3 in the morning 
ride a horse 
start a garden 
sew a quilt 
enter a spelling bee 
shoot a firework 
camp out under the stars without a tent 
leave a random kind note in someones mailbox 
dream 
buy your best friend a present 
value every second 
be alive 
truly alive 
be sad 
happy 
lost 
angry 
joyful 
confused
just be.