Yet You are good.

There is no telling how many times I have sat down to try and write a blog since I have been home. I sit, I write one sentence, I blank, I exit the page. Obviously my motivation for blogging has been waning, and my source of blog-wisdom seems to have run dry. But today has been a different day.
Today I have become very sure of something - a lie that I have been walking with for some time now. There is some "empowering" idea that if God puts you in a situation, it is because He knows that you can handle it.
Because you can handle it.
You can handle it.
YOU.

For some reason, our culture believes that there is some inner strength that WE supply to ourselves. If we are in a situation, it is because WE can get through it, all by our little lonesome. Dependence is weakness, no need for help, I can do this all by myself.

Today I am confident of the big fat falsehood of this statement. Today, on the brink of tears, I know that my legs are too weak to keep a-movin'. Today I just can't.

If you will for a moment, let that imagination in your noggin get a little action. Today, covered in white paint, I sat in my kitchen working on the never-ending project of painting our kitchen. I was reaching over to cover the trim behind our microwave, and the thought came to mind "If God has you here, it's because you can do this." I literally laughed out loud. What a joke. I just think to myself, "If God thinks I can do this, I seriously doubt God's judgement." The reason that God has me in Ozark, Arkansas on September 6th painting my parents kitchen alone is not because He knows that I am the person for this job. As if He knows that I am spiritually mature enough to sit here, momentarily pulled out from the community that I love, watching my friends move on with their lives (some in the one place that I would give just about anything to be in), trapped inside four walls with no money to my name to get me out. As if God looked upon the Earth for a girl who would have the ability in her to be strong enough to make it through.

Am I the only one who sees a problem here?

Today, sitting in my kitchen, covered in paint, I realized, no, that girl isn't me. I am not the one for this job. I don't have the motivation to get up everyday and put on joy like a garment. I don't have the strength to walk in my identity today. I don't really feel like serving, loving, sacrificing. It isn't my priority if left to my strength, desires, dreams.

Today, I remember that I am human. Today, I look in the mirror at the same familiar face, and remember that I am weak. That I am in no way capable of running with endurance the race that has been marked out for me, if I am running on my own energy supply. Today, I laugh at my self-sustaining mindset that if I feel depressed, lonely, tired, beat-down, it is because God knows that I am strong.

Let's set the record straight, hey? Let's be real enough about God to know that He sees me in all of my disability and knows the weak heart that beats in my chest. I know this. I know who He knows me to be before I put on the identity of His son. There is some idea in my head that I have formed to think that because I have taken on the identity of Jesus that I have taken on the strength to go it alone. Where in the Bible does it tell me that Jesus was independent? Where does He break off from the source of Heaven and become the lone ranger? Who do I think I am to believe that I could possibly go it alone? Because I can't. Today, I can't walk one more moment of this path alone.

That is where my confidence comes from knowing that it cannot possibly be true that God puts his trust in our strength. That is why David told us in Psalm 146 not to put our trust in people who cannot save. Because we are weak, poor. It's in our nature. God trusts in His strength. He has full confidence in Himself, and I truly believe THAT is why He has brought me home for this season. Not because I can handle it; it's exactly the opposite. He knows that I cannot handle it, that I cannot stand firm, that I cannot keep my own head above the waves. I have found myself here on my knees, because here, kneeling at the foot of the cross, more out of weakness than surrender, is exactly where He sustains me. Where my rope ends, His starts. Where my flesh and my heart fail, His feet are firm and sure. He is an anchor. He is secure.

Today, I know that I can because His spirit is strong in me. My feet are firm held by His grace. My armor is securely fastened on by His patience and love. David knew that it was by His God that he could leap over a wall, that He could defeat armies, that He could outrun His enemies. He didn't have to enjoy it, he didn't have to like being pursued by Saul in the wilderness, he didn't have to happily leave his best friend's presence without assurance of ever seeing him again. He wept, he cried out to God, he didn't understand. And yet God was good in the midst of the trial.

And yet God is good in the midst of my trial. No, God, I don't like it. I don't want to be here in my physical location doing the things that I am doing, but I am continually joyful to know that exactly what I asked for from you is coming to fruition. I know that I have asked to grow, and I know that right here is where the growing happens. I know without a doubt that your ability, love, strength, might, will get me through this season. I will live in today, not letting my heart be faint by the thought of tomorrow. I will remember who you are in this moment, and who that allows me to be.

I have not been called to be strong in myself. I have not been appointed by God to be something that He knows I cannot be. I have been brought low, and how sweet it is to be low.

It was from the lion's den that Daniel experienced the power and glory of God. It was from the prison that Joseph was brought into promotion. It was from the altar that Isaac saw the provision of his God. It was from the cross that the veil was torn. It was from the tomb that my salvation has come.

I will rejoice in the place of weakness that I am in, not because I am able to walk through it easily, but because it is here that the arms of the Lord are seen clearly.

"Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9b

"There and back again."

The picture my dad made me come back down the escalator for at the airport.

23 weeks ago I was tearfully pulling together the clothing I wanted to use for the next 6 months, fundraising my brains out, working two jobs, hugging my best friends goodbye, and finally walking away from my parents at the airport, only to have my dad call me back down from the escalator because we had forgotten to take a picture together. I remember taking my second trip up the stairs to security, looking behind me one last time with tears definitely flowing down my face, and thinking "WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!" The security guard gave me a worried look as I made my way to the front of the line and graciously ushered me through as she could obviously see the emotional state of distress I was swimming in. I made it through relatively easily, and as I sat down at my gate, I was probably instagramming my life and trying to keep the anxious thoughts away. How could an 18 year old girl who had never even used her passport make it to the ends of the Earth? How could this girl, who thought she knew God SO well, possibly spend 6 months trying to understand and share Him? How could THIS girl adventure into the unknown with a God who, in reality, was quite unknown to me?
This is all made possible by a God of ABUNDANTLY more. A God who is not limited by our human conditions, by our lack of money, by our fear of man, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown. A God who meets us in our brokenness and trades in our pile of ashes and shattered attempts for royal robes and precious jewels. A God who is real, who speaks, who loves fiercely, who sees life in different colors than we do.
I want to tell you about how this God has radically ruined my life for the ordinary for the past 5 and a half months.

First week of school

Kaikoura, New Zealand

It all started September 21st, when I walked out of Christchurch International Airport with 2 staff I had never spoken to before, 2 people with their own stories, 2 people of MANY people who would become very dear friends. We arrived at the YWAM Oxford base, after driving on what at the time was the WRONG side of the road, and thinking back on it now, it almost makes me cringe in disgust when I think of the state of insecurity and shame I walked into the property with. I was pulled into a community of other broken Christians, broken children of the Lord who had faced pain, failure, joy, insecurity, shame. Broken people who had been hand picked by my Dad to do life with each other for the next 6 months. Broken people who are all being made new by our Father, who have become a family, who have shared secrets, repentance, tears, countless emotions. Six months ago I never would have thought I would love this family like I do. But 23 weeks of brokenness, redemption, repentance, acceptance, freedom, challenge, community, joy, fun, tears, hilarious moments of laughter will do this to you. If you want to leave your family behind, be a lone wolf, adventure the world on your own, YWAM is not for you, because God created us for community, and YWAM has taken on the challenge pulled together communities of people who are often poor, broken, and always imperfect. The thing is, there is a God, a Father, a Leader who has brought us together and covered us all in grace, and He has made us into a family that it will be very hard to leave. I guess that often happens when you allow God to wreck and ruin you for the ordinary ways of life.

My outreach team at the Love Feast

I went through almost 3 months of life changing transformation. I went on adventures that I will remember for the rest of my life. I listened to the wisdom of the Lord flow from the mouths of our speakers, I invested my life in something much greater than me. But mostly, I was broken. No, the Joanna that I let the world create was shattered, and then my REAL creator, my Redeemer, my Jesus picked up all of the messy pieces and began putting them back in order. He spent agonizing time on my frame, on my mind, on my heart. He used the words of His children to speak identity into my being, and He used to the truth of His LIVING Word to bring meaning into my life. He didn't make me into a small side project. He kidnapped me from my family, my friends, my bubble, my mentality. He interrupted my pattern, He turned off repeat. He said come, and I came. His feet were standing on the wave tossed ocean, His hands were outstretched towards me. I was comfortable in the boat, it was easy living in the same conditions that I had always lived in, but Jesus refused to be satisfied. He said come,

and I came.

For whatever reason. And He met me in the waters. In the moments when my faith failed, when I began to swim through the stormy sea, when I waved my arms in desperation, when I exclaimed, "I CAN'T. I CAN'T MAKE IT. I CAN'T DO IT," He gripped me, He pulled me, He carried me. And one way or another, I made it through the most intense 3 months of my life, and I came out with new eyes, new hands, new feet, new skin, new mind, new ears.

Ministry in Cambodia with ICF Church

For 3 months I experienced the culture of Thailand and Cambodia. I walked in the shoes of a foreigner, I did life as a traveler. With 5 other people, I felt the eyes of countless Thai's and Cambodian's watch the six foot tall Westerner on me, I heard "Farang! Farang, I sell for you! Cheap cheap for you!" screamed at me for 11 weeks. There were moments when I was ready to, as my mom would say, throw in the cards, give up, book the next flight home. I remember talking to my parents a week after Christmas, and bawling my eyes out, wishing I could simply sit in front of the fire in my own house, choose whatever article of clothing I wanted, sleep in my own bed, hug my parents goodnight. But instead, I went to sleep in an unfamiliar guesthouse in the middle of Chiang Mai Thailand, in a makeshift bed that was actually just two beds pushed together to accommodate the three girls sleeping in it, and in the morning I pulled the few outfits that I had out of my backpack and I had time with my Father. Because that is what is possible when you know you are loved by this God. By a God who created more than just Ozark, America. Who did more for you than what your little brain can take in. I never understood that Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," applied to more than just miracles. Or maybe everything we do in the will of the Father is just a miracle. Sometimes getting out of bed in the morning to go invest your life in people who can't even understand your language feels like a miracle.

Mae Ai, Thailand

Nariwat and I in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Firmly believing we will see her in Heaven!

Now, I sit on the floor of the dining room at the YWAM base in Oxford, New Zealand. Tonight we will present the videos of our outreaches, share a short testimony, laugh in the funny moments, cry in the sad moments. On Friday, I will graduate and suddenly 6 months will become one more night, and I will fly away. I will arrive at XNA in Fayetteville, Arkansas, I will hug my parents, probably eat Chick-Fil-A, lug my giant bags into my bedroom, sit down on the bed, pick up my cat. I will venture around my hometown saying hello, embracing my sister and brother-in-law and their daughters, screaming at the sight of my best friends. I will go back to Ozark. I can say with confidence, however, that the Joanna you hugged goodbye, sent off to the airport on September 19th, 2013, is not the Joanna that is coming home. That girl had tired eyes, often fake smiles, and a lack of joy. She didn't know who her Father was, she didn't know who she was in the slightest. That girl isn't very happy that this girl is coming home. She isn't looking forward to coming face-to-face with the new creation, but there really isn't any avoiding it, is there? Because the truth is, the emotions of being home will die down. People will stop asking about what it was like. Things will go back to "normal" in the environment. But in the quiet moments with my Lord, in the intimacy with my Father, in the sweet stillness, that is where my heart will be at peace. That is where the battle against the former has been defeated. That is where my new home has been formed, and I can say with confidence that I will guard those moments with everything I am.

I want to say a final thank you to my supporters who financially made it possible for me to go through six months of radical transformation, who sent me into the unknown to meet a God who wanted to make Himself known to His daughter. I am forever thankful that you allowed God to use you, to be a part of something bigger than yourself. It has been the most amazing experience of my entire life.

If you would like to know more about this Discipleship Training School, I would love to set up some sort of coffee date with you. I also will settle for Taco Bell. ;)

Siem Reap, Cambodia

New Years Eve: Chiang Mai, Thailand

I guess in all, I just want you all to know that God has completely wrecked me in the best way. He was present with me through every feeble attempt to satisfy my deep longing for acceptance, He was completely aware of the heartbreak I suffered when I entrusted my heart into people and things that were not made to hold my heart or my devotion. He sat on my bed and wept with me in the times of loneliness, in the times of anger, in the times of hurt. He heard every heart-spoken prayer for forgiveness in my valleys of dark, ugly sin, and in turn He took my dirty hands each time and wiped them clean, made them new. His heart broke as He watched the mess I allowed my life to turn into, but it was never beyond His hand. "He called me out upon the waters, where oceans rise and feet may fail." He just reached out His hand, and all He required was that I took it, and He took me on the journey that has "begun a good work in me," and I am so thankful to be on it still. I am so thankful to serve a God who loves my joy, who loves my passions, because He created me with them. I am so thankful that my Best Friend is coming home with me. I may be leaving many people in the memory of DTS, but the one who has deeply loved me, pursued me, spoken life into me, created me, stood by me, HE is coming home with me, and He will never leave. I have started a life with this Best Friend, and the fact that I have the rest of my days on Earth to spend being loved by Him and loving Him in return is the greatest joy I could ask for.

Be blessed, friends. See you in the Northern Hemisphere.

Joanna McCormick
"God is Gracious."

7 weeks.

7 weeks.
7 weeks since I have laid my feet on American soil.
7 weeks since I have hugged my mom and dad.
7 weeks since I have spoken to my precious nieces and nephew, or laughed with a sister.
7 weeks since I have lived in the mindset of the old Joanna Marie McCormick.

Deep breath. Exhale. Sometimes I feel like I have to remind myself to do that. It feels like the past 7 weeks have gone by in a matter of days. Almost too hard for me to believe that I am far over half way done with the lecture phase of my DTS. Almost impossible to imagine the girl I used to be, but still desperately hard at times to not choose the mindsets I used to live in. New level, new devil - as our speakers have said. Jesus has become so much more to me than I ever imagined He could be, or wanted to be. He has called me out of deep waters, drawn me out of dry deserts, loved me into His presence. It's almost too hard for me to fathom.

Last week our speakers Adam and Shane spoke on the topic of Original Design. Basically this means, teaching us who God made us to be and actually praying over us individually for words from our Father about who we are. Back to basics. Removing all of the wires and bumpers the world has put around us to keep us blocked into a certain perspective and mindset. It was SUCH a blessing.
I won't go into HUGE detail about everything that Adam and Shane spoke over me, but I will highlight a few things to go into.
- They really pinpointed healing hands that God gave to me. I don't know if this necessarily means the gift of healing, but I think a big part of it is the way I love to speak healing words and truth into people. They spoke about how the enemy came at a young age to shame and slap my hands away, but in this time Father is putting His healing hands over mine. I never really realized how past relationships and times in my life have caused me to pull back my hands and stop reaching out, but it was so spot on. Being here has been such a healing time for me to learn how to start speaking into people and letting Father throw the shame the enemy has put into my life out.
- They spoke about how God created me with a personality to rally the next generation and a joyful spirit to make others feel welcome. God has really been pouring joy into my heart since I have been here, really explaining to me about the reasons I have certain emotions. It has been so relieving. The pressure is off of me SO much to have to be sorrowful or cry in certain situations when all I feel is joy! I LOVE THE JOY OF THE LORD!! He has embraced me and remade me!

OK, so that is just a tiny taste of what has been happening. I really want to share with y'all the AWESOME weekend I had two weeks ago here in south island New Zealand.

Kingdom weekend. Sounds legit right? It was. Basically, it was Thursday to Sunday, and two of the schools here headed out in groups of two or three with 30 bucks, only to be used to bless others, no food, no place to stay. You had to hitch rides to a certain location, rely on the Lord for food, shelter, etc.
Catherine and David were my two teammates, so on Thursday we headed out. Previously, our group had prayed and felt that the Lord was leading us to head to the top of the south island to a beautiful city called Nelson. It is about a 6 hour drive, more or less, and that's without stopping. So on our first day, we had two hitches, and we made it all of about an hour away to Amberley. A HUGE portion of the time was spent with a beautiful woman named Mandy. She had a huge heart and the most free spirit I have ever encountered. She was very into spiritual healing, getting in tune with your body, stuff like that. She picked us up, and with a huge grin on her face, she told us she was simply out for an adventure and if we would like to join her, she would take us as far as she went. So the three of us hopped in and headed out for a very unexpected afternoon! She took us to a few beaches, just did life with us. At one point at the first beach, she asked me for a song of thanksgiving, as I had my ukelele with me, and we stood on the shore of the pacific ocean as I had the amazing opportunity to sing her one of the songs I have written with Jesus. SO COOL. David was able to share the Gospel with her (YEAH GOD) and she really received. I could probably spend a huge amount of time talking about her, but for lack of time I will just say this: this precious daughter of the most high King was a DELIGHT and an answer to prayer, and I truly hope that she encounters the amazing love of her Father.
After that, our team felt that we were simply supposed to hike, no hitching. So from Amberley our group set out towards... North. Haha, we honestly didn't actually know if we were even going the correct direction. A man stopped on a dirt road ahead of us, who just so happened to know exactly who we were, what we were doing, how much money we had. He had housed a group of YWAMers the year before and has lived in NZ long enough to know that a group of 2 girls and 1 guy were either YWAMers or poor Kiwis. So he picked us up (right across from a field I had had a picture of the day before) and took us on an errand he was running to an elderly couple in the community, which just so happened to be home to one of the first sailors on the Anastasis, YWAM's first missions ship, and the ship my sister was on at one point! AHHH. From there, we went to the man's home, which housed 7 beautiful bilingual children and a delightful mother! They were of German descent and they were seriously HUGE blessings. They fed us AMAZING German bread and we got to cut down a tree at their house the next day with all 7 children. God really does give some AWESOME opportunities in life :)

The next day our team stood in the middle of Amberley and tried hitching for about a half an hour. After a while, Catherine spoke out a prayer that would turn out to be VERY important and hilarious.
"God, we know you have someone for us specifically to ride with, so would you just make them HURRY up!"
About 5 minutes later an Asian couple visiting from Beijing pulled over. The man was a first time driver on the left side of the road(oh my gosh.) but he was excitedly ready to roadtrip with our group the 2.5 hours it would take to drive up the coast to Kiakoura. People, listen. This man, God bless him, was the SLOWEST driver I have ever ridden with. There were points, driving around the tight curves that take you along the coast, that there would be a line of 5 or 6 cars behind us honking, and I would be fairly certain the car was completely stopped! That's where Catherine's hilarious prayer came in. No wonder it took so long for him to drive and pick us up! He was the SLOWEST driver on the planet!
But the REALLY cool part of this was that Catherine was able to share the story from Genesis to Jesus' resurrection with the couple. He admitted that he had heard a version of the story before, but he figured that because it had passed along the generations for so many years that there must have been huge changes made to the story. Catherine and I spent the rest of the trip really speaking into how much God loves us, just really pouring the love of our Father over Him. He told us that was completely new for him!! After the trip he was very interested in YWAM and Catherine gave him her Bible. IT WAS SO SO COOL! GOD IS SO SO COOL. He received it so well and asked us questions. What a divine appointment, eh?
 I could probably go on and on, like when we prayed all day for a big fish dinner and then our hitch home randomly stopped and bought us all an abundance of fish and chips for our dinner, or when we got to sleep in a church when we were completely homeless because of a random bout of obedience in saying no to a manipulative person who tried to get us to come into a bar with him. But honestly this blog post would be entirely too long so you can ask me personally for some really cool God stories.

I guess more than anything, I want you all to know the change that has taken place in me because of my encounter with Father's love. Because of the abundance of His mercy/grace/love/etc. I want you all to know how good my Daddy is. Having a great Earthly dad can change your life, but man, when you encounter the love of a perfect heavenly father, it changes your eternity. I am so thankful to be here and I want you all to know how much it means to have the support of my loving friends and family back home. I deeply treasure my relationships with you and I am so excited to share more stories of God's faithfulness with you soon, because believe me, there are some big ones coming.

Love, Dad.

I guess realizing that for 18 years you knew you had a God who told you He was your father but never really realizing I am not an orphan is a little mind blowing.

I mean, lets be real, I have a heck of a family. My dad rocks on so many levels, my mom is a total superstar, and all 4 sisters just blow me out of the water. I never really thought I needed that Heavenly Dad. "He's only for the orphaned kids. The ones who had really bad dad's and don't understand what it's like to have a good dad." As if I was immune to the disease of this life. As if He was indifferent towards me because I "didn't need Him as bad". WOW.
I didn't get that He actually cared about the heartbreak I had suffered in my life. That He actually hurts for my hurts because He is my Dad. My Father. And that it's ok for me to acknowledge that I have been hurt even though it was different than other wounds people had suffered.

"Ha, Jo, how much of a jerk would you have to be to pretend like you've been wounded. Look at those other kids around you who have suffered cataclysmic pains in their lives. You have NO room to talk."
"Jo, get over yourself. You think you deserve that kind of a friendship from someone? You think it's ok for you to just approach them and think you deserve their love?"
"Well, I'm glad you don't think you're enough Jo, because you aren't. You can't even compete with the other girls out there. Guess you should just accept it because that's how it is."

For some reason, in my eyes these things were just acceptable because I could "get past them on my own". God was "indifferent to the lies satan was spoonfeeding me because I had a good dad who loved me and that was enough." How wrong. Somehow, the hardest part for me to grasp is that I grew up knowing that satan lies in these ways to us all the time. That he is just like that, but I didn't think that the lies he told me were enough to need help overcoming.

Here's the deal. I have been fed lie after lie after lie for so long that, even now that God has exposed those lies and called me out of them, it is still almost overwhelming to think that I was so entangled and that satan had such a hold in my life.
"But God.."

He says I'm enough. He says He doesn't need any talents or works I can offer to make me more worth it. He says Joanna Marie McCormick as she is is enough because Jesus makes me enough. He says when he looks at me, he sees beauty. Actually, let me just tell you what He told me through a song he wrote, through me, for me, and for every girl who has been told by the world that she isn't enough.

Beautiful princess
There was a voice in your life
Told you that everything that you were
Could never measure up
Up to what I see
 
But I'll remember quite clearly
The night you finally realized
Said "Daddy, could you help me?
Could you show me what you see,
Cause everything that I see
is broken."

Oh my daughter
I'm here to wage war on all of the lies
Cause I say that it's just about time you open your eyes

Everything from your head to your toes
The freckles on your nose
I paint even those
The sound of you singing
Your gentle heart beating
It's all what makes you worth it to me

Faith like a child
What a beautiful thing
But somewhere along the way
Somebody told you that you were too much for me

Oh my daughter
I'm here to wage war on all of the lies
Cause now I say that it's just about time you open your eyes

Everything from your head to your toes
The freckles on your nose
I paint even those
The sound of you singing
Your gentle heart beating
It's all what makes you worth it to me

Well, Dad could you show me
Cause I just don't see what you see
Well, darling, it's simple
When I see you I just see me

- I didn't know it, but this Jo, the one the world says needs to be different to be loved, is enough. She is worth it, and she is lovely. Isn't it great? Because that makes you worth it too, if only you'd let your heart be opened to it.

All in.

My dad and I were talking tonight, and he mentioned I should share the first God story that ignited my trip to New Zealand.

One spring night, my friend Amber and I were laying in a bed in my house talking. I had been feeling very discouraged about my future after high school, and I didn't seem to be getting any big florescent signs pointing anywhere at all.
"I just don't know what I'm going to do if YWAM doesn't work out," I said to her, "I just really don't have a peace about college this fall." I had been waiting on a reply for my application to YWAM Oxford New Zealand for several weeks, and I had dead lines for colleges coming up. At the time, I had already told John Brown University that I was unsure if I would be attending their college this fall, and I was running out of time to make a final decision. I remember thinking, I need something, God. Anything.
Two nights later I was standing in Subway, where I work, and they were just about to shut down for the night. One of the girls working, Erica, had previously done a YWAM DTS in Belize.
Side Note:
YWAM stands for Youth With a Mission, and DTS stands for Discipleship Training School. It is basically an organization that trains and sends people with a passion for God into the world to shout His name and share His love. If you want to find out what this is all about, go to www.ywam.org.

Anyway, we were standing in Subway, and my phone sounded the alert that I had just received an email. Now, I only got this sound when an email came to my account that I used solely for applications to college and YWAM. I remember hearing it, and my heart sped up a little. Lord, I need something. I opened the email, and there it was, my acceptance to YWAM Oxford. At first I jumped up and down, screaming at my friend who had previously done YWAM, and both of us freaked out a little.. ok a lot. My next reaction was, oh my lanta, how is this possibly going to happen? At the time both of my parents were out of state. I called them to tell them what had happened. My dad didn't even know I had applied! I guess I really didn't think I was going to get in! haha.

The next day I was sitting in class, and my mind went straight to DTS. Lord, if this is what you have for me, let's do it, but I need a whoooole lot of money and I need a check in the mail when I get home. I need to start this now. I remember getting home from school, and looking at that mailbox and really knowing this was it. I opened the mailbox, and right there was the check I had won for some talent show I got second place in. Not a day sooner, not a day later. That check arrived right on time, and right on time to pay for my first fee: my application fee, which happened to be 50 dollars, the exact amount of my check.

Guys, God is real. From having to go all in and have 2300 dollars to buy a plane ticket and having almost exactly that and enough left over for me to live off of until my next pay check, to needing a pack and being provided with the exact backpack I wanted from my sister, a backpack that had been passed by by customers for months because it didn't fit them right (guess who it happens to fit perfectly??) I don't care what your circumstances are or who you are or how long you've been running from Him. God is absolutely real and He is ready to take you on the ride of your life, if you're willing. It has not been easy waiting on Him. Believe me, I have 2 months until I leave and still somewhere between 3,000 and 5,000 dollars to raise. But as big as that dollar amount is, my God will always be bigger and more powerful. Whatever leap of faith you are so terrified to take, make the choice to throw back the chains of fear and run full speed towards Him. It's eternally worth it, and you might just have a few adventures along the way.

I guess they call this part of life, "Growing Up"

As I was leaving my sister Jen's house a few weeks ago, I was walking out along the driveway to my car. I turned to see that her daughter (my niece) Marin had followed me out. Marin is literally 5 going on 25. She is so smart. SO FUNNY. I turned as I was getting into my little white Honda and yelled out, "Love you!". She turned around and looked at me, said "Love you too, Aunt Jo!". I swear to you in that instant, I almost cried. Haha, as ridiculously dramatic as that sounds, I just began to think that this little girl, who was still inside of her mommy when we moved to Arkansas 5 years ago, was growing up so fast. 5 years have passed by remarkably quickly, and I suddenly had this familiar ache realizing that the 5 years I have had with this girl I had taken so for granted. I have lived in the same town as the little peanut for her whole life, and as it may not devastate her to say goodbye to me in the fall, it will be a real trial for me to face. She is so smart, so tall, so funny, so innocent. 6 months when you are 5 years old means you will develop 10 times the vocabulary, grow 3 feet, start on your career path. Haha, maybe that's only a little dramatic. But still, here I am standing in Jen's driveway and this flood of emotions comes on me and I realize that all I can do is lay them in the Lords hands and remember that it is HE who is guiding me on my journey to New Zealand this fall, and it is HE who has planned my life.

As the summer has gone on, I have begun to realize how many endings have passed or are quickly approaching. I know this is the cliche that everyone must be so tired of, but honestly, HOW could it have already been over 10 years since I was first a camper at Camp Barakel? How could it have been 5 years since I stepped out of the moving truck that held countless years of Michigan memories, which were then ending to start a whole new chapter of Arkansas stories? How could I be this girl now, a girl with 18 years worth of memories and challenges and achievements? I guess you could say this is a typical post-graduate blog, but I just can't help but reminisce for a moment.

I remember being a staff-kid at Camp Barakel, sitting at the tables in the East Side Dining Hall, passing Hannah Ford a note I had put meticulous artistic work into with a very memorable phrase written on the inside. "Will you be my best friend?" it read. How blessed I have been these 18 years that every trial and tear and laugh and joy we have been through, we have gone through together. But how could I forget my first soccer practice with Hannah's younger sister, Natalie, who little did I know would become one of the dearest people in the world to me. Or dressing up poor Daniel Douglas in the only clothes my family of sisters ever had for dress-up: dresses. He was always a trooper and amazingly did not hold those days of dress up against us, and decided to become such a partner in crime to Hannah, Natalie, and I. I will never forget watching my sisters pack up their belongings and haul it into camp for the summer to become technicians, always planning with excitement the day that would come when I got to take their place and back up my stuff into the back of Dad's patchwork of a pickup truck, the Beast, and move into camp for the summer, only to find out that God's plan is not always our plan. I traded summers of Teching in camp for long, hilarious nights with my Arkansas friends, Church camp with some of the best friends I can imagine, long, hot drives to Michigan for a few weeks of the old life, and always the first days of school in August at Ozark High School. And as much as I would have said 5 years ago that I would have given anything to spend those summers at camp, God knew where he was putting me, and he gave me some of the best memories a girl can ask for while I have been down here in Arkansas. I have been blessed beyond anything I deserve, from the times Amber Hicks and I would fly around Ozark on our bikes all summer long, the times Vinci Chan and I have wanted to keel over during our crossfit class, the times I laughed so hard that I cried while riding on the band bus after football games, the times I have been privileged to lead worship at my church, or the times I wanted so badly to make that shot in basketball. I have been blessed beyond reason.

The summer will pass quickly, and before I know it I will be on a plane headed for New Zealand. What an unexpected adventure the Lord has placed before me, and what a joy it will be to turn the page in my life and take another step. I guess you could say it's all bittersweet. This fall we will say goodbye to my sister and her family as they embark on a journey to England with the Lord for 3 years. I will watch my niece Marin blow out the candles on her 4th year and say hello to 5, Ava will turn 4, June will turn 3, and Sadie and William will be 1. How blessed I am to be an aunt to so many little peanuts. :)

I am so thankful to you all for the way you have encouraged my trip to New Zealand. I couldn't be more excited. You all have played such important roles in God's plan for my future.

Since I obviously can't end this with some corny goodbye, as I have to save those for September, I can end it with a verse, which will always make an appropriate ending. I will hold this verse as a promise from my Savior, that though it will never be easy for me to say goodbye to people and places, He is powerful and will accomplish infinitely more in my feeble, unimpressive life than I could ever imagine.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." - Ephesians 3:20

Fearless

Can you believe it's already almost 2013?! We made it through 12/21/12. Imagine that one.

So looking back on 2012, I can almost say that I have a little satisfaction with my year. So much has happened. Got accepted to my first choice college. Got my first car. Started a new job. Flew in an airplane alone.
In 2012, my team mate and friend Candace went to be with our Savior. Hard as that experience has been for a lot of us, I want to share with you how it has taught me.
For about a month after it happened, I didn't even want to leave the house for fear of coming home and something having happened to my family. It terrified me. I'm still dealing with that problem. But after a while, I don't really know when, I decided something. I decided that in 2012 I wanted to face my fears. Candace was fearless, I swear. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind. Wasn't afraid to try anything. And it inspired me. I am a pretty fearful person. I don't like facing fears, don't like stepping out of my comfort zone. But this year, I really did. For the first time.
First of all, I gave blood. I am TERRIFIED of giving blood. Something about it just makes me CRAZY. It always has. But I couldn't be happier that I did, and I got the shirt to prove it ;) Not only that but I plan on doing it again this spring.
Then, I asked my own prom date to prom. Haha, that's kind of an embarrassing one to admit, but I did it and prom was a lot of fun and I'm so glad that I did.
Next, I rode a roller coaster for the first time and it was so much fun. SO MUCH. I screamed the whole time but it was the best, and I kept on riding them. I'm a roller coaster junkie now. ;)
This summer I rode an airplane by myself. That was a big step for me. First of all, it involved leaving Arkansas and leaving my family for 3 weeks to go to Michigan, which in itself terrified me, because at that time I hadn't left them for that long since Candace had passed. It was incredibly difficult, but man God is great and he taught me a lot through it. To get home, I had to ride an airplane on standby by myself. Now, if any of you have ever flown on standby, you know how touch and go it is. There is never a guarantee that you will get a seat, and man, I sure will have stories about that to tell my kids :). On my last leg of the trip I got stuck in St. Louis for 9 hours watching my flights go by until finally, on the last flight of the day, I got on. However, during the day I was sitting at a table after I had had a pity party and cried for an hour because I wanted to be home so badly, and my friend Amber had been waiting to pick me up in Little Rock all day for me. I was just sitting there reading my bible when a man came and sat down with me while he waited for his flight. Seriously, he was the most precious old man. We talked about God for about an hour, talked about life. It was fantastic. He even added me to his prayer list. :) He was such a sweetheart, and I will NEVER forget that trip.
Another fear was probably the biggest of this year. I went on a mission trip to Dallas, and while on the trip, the Lord convicted me that I needed to quit basketball. That was the thing I was most terrified to do. I knew people wouldn't understand. I was scared that I would just go back to being that loser girl. I was so scared. But because of my God's sweet faithfulness, He gave me the grace to give it up. It's still something I struggle with, but I am so glad that I listened.
Haha, this one is a little goofy, but it still happened! When school was about to start, I heard that my school's band needed another bass drummer. Haha, our band director is kind of terrifying before ya know him, and I had NEVER played a drum. But I figured, what the hey, and I joined. It has been so much fun. I've gotten to spend the year with my best friends and it's been so hilariously fun.
On of my biggest fears of all time was singing in front of people. I faced this fear twice this year.
The first time was when I sang the national anthem at a basketball game on senior night. Man, I was shaking for that night. Then I sang two songs at the choir variety show. You talk about nervous. I basically forgot how to breathe for a few minutes, haha.

Some of the other things I did this year were smaller or whatever, but to me, they were like overcoming the world. I am so glad that I chose to live without fear this year. Obviously, there are still things that I wish I would have done, but I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to do this. No matter if something or someone inspires you to do this for a year, I would seriously encourage you to do it. Face every fear you can and just live. I have so many new memories because I chose to not let my fear dominate my life anymore. Whoever you are, whatever you're scared of, face it. It frees your spirit.
Go skydiving.
Forgive someone.
Learn how to surf.
Join a club.
Tell everyone you love that you love them.
Visit another country.
Take a roadtrip.
Be proud of yourself.
Trust God with you're life, guys. Put it in His hands and get ready for the ride of your life.
Candace, thank you for being fearless. Thanks for being real always. I miss you.
"Being fearless isn't being 100% unafraid. It's being completely terrified and jumping anyway."
Happy new year, everyone.

Once was lost.

WELL it's been a few ages since I last blogged. Haven't had much to say I suppose. But I do now.

People really don't like Christians.
They don't like to feel wrong.
They don't like to feel judged.
They don't want to hear that there is an alternative to Heaven.
They don't like our churches.
They don't like our values.
They don't want us to say anything.
They want us to mess up.
They like it when we don't stand up for anything.
They will do anything to point fingers at our failures.
They just really don't like us.
And a lot of their reason's are pretty valid.
We point fingers.
We judge.
We mess up.
We claim to have a loving God when horrible things have happened to them.
I think if I didn't understand my faith I really wouldn't like me either. Honestly guys? We really don't give them a huge reason to like us. How many times have we ignored someone because they aren't in our crowd? How many times have we pointed fingers at others when we should have been pointing it at ourselves?
How many times have we repaid evil with evil? An eye for an eye? Refusing to turn the other cheek?
We claim to live by all these principles. By stating that we are Christians, we are putting an open Bible in front of us and saying that we live by it, but we don't. We don't even try. It's such a waste of time. Of glory. Of Jesus.
When we claim to be Christians, we claim His sacrifice and post it in our lives front yard. We pack up the kids for Sunday church and we keep a bible on the bookshelf and we wear WWJD bracelets and we lead VBS and we do all this stuff but it's such crap, because it's all a show. Unfortunately, people who aren't Christians see right through it. Seriously, ask any one of them. They see it and they laugh on the inside and then they throw it in our faces and we're all like, "dude, I'm not perfect! I'm a sinner but Jesus saved me," which is totally accurate BUT IT'S ALL A WASTED LIE WHEN YOU USE IT AS A FALL BACK. Yes, Jesus sure did save us, but not so that we can go and use it as a  barbed wire fence around our stupid lives that we can freely go in and out of and choose when we want to use His sacrifice and coverage from God's wrath. Jesus isn't a bomb shelter to use only when times get rough.

Quit this stupid cycle. Refuse to follow the patterns of this world. REFUSE to give them a reason to look at you and say that your life is a lie.
Hey, you're gonna mess up. But when you do it's not some light stuff. Screw ups and failures and sins and stupid moves separate us from God. They take us and put us on one side of the Grand Canyon and God on the other. It's not some joke to be used and it's not some sacrifice to abuse. When Jesus was hanging bloody, scarred, broken on the cross, I am positively sure that His thought process did not include, "Ok, I'm dying so that they can have an excuse to sin and not feel bad about it. This will totally work out and I'll just get them off the hook for everything because they are awesome."
Jesus died so that we didn't have to be separated from God anymore.
If your brother gave his life for you so that you could be free from slavery, would you just go back to being a slave because it was easier than trying to go find your way in an unfamiliar world?
No, you wouldn't. You would turn and run as fast as you could to live your free life.
"Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you." - Galatians 5:1

"So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ - that's where the action is. See things from His perspective." - Colossians 3:1-2

In your shoes.

This life is crazy. fast. beautiful. hard. I love this life. I love my Savior. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my school. I love my church. But most of all my Savior. He makes things so much more beautiful. He puts the color in my world. I LOVE JESUS!!!
Man, I just feel like screamin' it.
Anyway.

School's back. Crazy, huh? I'm a SENIOR. That's nuts.

To my Sophomores:
Kids, us upperclassmen may call you names or joke with ya, but we do love you. You are gonna be in our position in just 2 short years that go by way faster than you can even imagine. I still remember being so scared I wanted to cry when I walked into those big glass doors of the Ozark High School, thinking, HOLY MOLY I'm gonna die. I didn't want to grow up or be in a building with those mean old seniors ;) Much less make any sort of stand for Christ. I was the bottom of the totem pole, and I decided it would be best to accept my role as a church Christian, but forget about doing it all at school. That was too scary. But let me tell you guys, I was so wrong. Were any of you guys to make a stand for our mighty God, I would be blown away, IN A GOOD WAY! I want so badly for you guys to step out of your comfort zones and take a giant leap of faith for His name. Don't be afraid guys! That's not only going to be a huge blessing to yourself in the end, it would bless all of our hearts to such extents, you couldn't even fathom. If I could go back and be the kid that wasn't afraid to share my faith in those halls, I would do it in a heartbeat. Please, if you never hear a word your teachers say this year, hear this: don't be afraid to be an all-around Christian because of what the older or other kids in this school will think. GOD IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN OUR PETTY OPINIONS! He matters so much more, and if you ever feel yourself lost in the crowd, scared to stand out and find your identity in Christ, grab my very long arm in the hallway and drag me to where I can hear you above the noise, and talk. I'll listen. Whatever it is. I don't care if I'm late for class or can't go to the bathroom. Your relationship with Christ is more important. Don't be afraid to spill those emotions you've been holding in so long. It's time to define that awesome relationship with Christ you've been searching for, no matter who you are.
-

To my juniors:
Jeez, seems like I was in your shoes like, yesterday. Junior year is a tough year, I'll be honest about that. Teachers will be tough, friendships may fall through. I know there were a lot of tears for me last year. But that's just life. If you come to a point in this year when you just don't want to make it another day, like I said earlier, come find me. I don't care who you are or if I don't know you. I have ears and a Savior that loves the both of us and am always willing to listen.
I know the sophomores were close to Candace Harvey as well, but you were her class. And I've come to find out that classes at Ozark kind of become families. No, she won't be walking down that hallway with you everyday, and yes it's gonna hurt. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. But I will tell you this: the Candace I know would NOT want you being miserable. She would want you to carry on, even when it's hard, even when the days are long. I love you guys so much, and know she did too. Finish this race strong for her. That's what she would want.

To my seniors:
Woah. I can't believe I've been here 5 years now, with you guys. Crazy how just that long ago you were all making fun of my northern accent. Now my Northern friends make fun of my Southern accent. I've learned a lot from you guys. Like what it means to pull together when tragedy strikes. Like what it means to be there for each other. What it means to really be a friend. I'm very proud to finish my highschool years with this class. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you guys. You have meant so much to me these past years. You welcomed me in and loved me and helped me. I can't say thank you enough for it.
I know we have this year ahead of us, but it's gonna fly by, and I just want to encourage you with this:
God has better and far more wonderful plans for you than you can make for yourself. Let Him make your story. Ups and downs, it'll all be worth it. He's so much better. Than anything. I know that for a fact. Please, please, please, just don't forget how wonderful He is. And let's finish this thing strong.

just be.

Nah, I'm no author. But I do have some words. A lot of people are afraid to be open. honest. real. I have something to say to the people out there that are just sad, but don't have any words to say that they are. that are afraid to be honest about being upset. It's okay to be sad. Ok? It's alright. Sometimes I'm sad too. Sometimes it's okay to lay on your bed and cry. pout. be afraid. feel pain. It's okay to be that way. I know I have this amazing life, full of God's blessings, but sometimes I'm sad too. Lately, I have been missing God. I have this hurt inside me because I don't feel him near. It's okay to be hurt. But God's always there. I know He is. I know that He is looking over my shoulder as I type this. But sometimes I feel like He's miles away. speaking to others but passing me by. I know that's not true. I that He's here. But sometimes it doesn't seem like it. Sometimes I have to take a deep breathe and remind myself that I'm still here. Sometimes I have to go underwater and be completely absent of thought and world and life and just imagine that the green tint of the water is all there is. Sometimes I have to scream it out. Sometimes I have to let the tears pour out onto my pillows just because. Sometimes I have to drive. Sometimes I have to just be Jo. Just this girl who wanders through life. I have a purpose. but sometimes I forget.

I miss Candace. A lot. It's hard for me to say that sometimes. Sometimes it makes me cry. Sometimes I smile because I remember her. I wish she was still here. I think if she was still here I wouldn't be sad so much now. But she wouldn't want me to be sad. She would want me to live. Really live. fearlessly. unconditionally. bravely. largely. but sometimes it's scary to live that way.

Sometimes I'm scared of the dark. failure. people. heights. fear. hurt. life. living. remembering. going to sleep. leaving. losing.
 But life goes on. Being afraid. lonely. hurt. angry. it's okay. it's okay to be those things. Sometimes it stinks to be that way. but life goes on.  
Be sad. Be alive. Feel it. really feel it.  
go drive to somewhere you've never been 
face your fears 
eat something that really grosses you out 
find a new favorite song 
ride your bike at 3 in the morning 
ride a horse 
start a garden 
sew a quilt 
enter a spelling bee 
shoot a firework 
camp out under the stars without a tent 
leave a random kind note in someones mailbox 
dream 
buy your best friend a present 
value every second 
be alive 
truly alive 
be sad 
happy 
lost 
angry 
joyful 
confused
just be.

Anchored to His love.

You know that feeling you get the night before Christmas when you're a little kid? That feeling that for one day, magic is alive. That the air tastes different. It's full of an electricity that makes you shake with excitement and keeps you up all night.

Tonight, I watched an amazing group of young people pass through their Discipleship Training School with flying colors. I love, love, LOVE seeing kids close to my age with a passion for our GREAT God. Watching them turn over this page in their life gives me that Christmas eve tingle I haven't felt since I was below 6 feet tall ;) I CAN'T wait until I'm up, accepting a diploma for finishing my DTS. Who knows where on this planet it will be. I may be standing in the middle of a swamp, but at least I'll be doing what I know God loves. I know without a doubt that God has some awesome plan for my life that could take me anywhere, doing anything. As long as I'm doing it for God,I know that nothing can stop me. I'm so excited that I cannot find the words to tell you just how EXCITED I am!

But here's the thing:
In high school, it's so easy to get caught up in drama drama drama, and lose sight of what matters. GOD MATTERS! If our whole school would embrace that, can you imagine what we could accomplish?! My God is able. He is able to love past our failures, conquer our sins, fight for the weary, protect the weak, defend the defenseless, care for the lonely, and beat the tar out of satan, all in the same second. The war is already won. Our God is the conqueror of all. If we take a stand for Him, who could possibly stand against us? God doesn't care about how popular you are. He doesn't care about how many friends you have. He doesn't care if you can't play any sports. He cares about sharing His love. Showing people how much He cares. How much He longs for us. Wants us. If we could embrace that fact, who on this planet could stand in our way? My God is an Awesome God. He is holy. He is mighty. Perfect. Who cares about all that junk between people? Forgive and forget and be better than all the stuff our world expects of us kids. Overcome the status quo. Our world demands average. ordinary. But a life with CHRIST is EXTRAordinary. It is everything you can possibly dream of, because when you have Christ in your heart, what you can only dream of, God can bring about like it's nobody's business. TRUST. Believe that He's gonna take you places and teach you things. Stop relying on other people to bring you self worth. High school is a grain of sand in our life. It'll be over in the blink of an eye. But the choices we make during this crucial time in our lives - the people we choose to be- those things will stick to us. Choose to be someone God will be able to look at and say, "I can use them." Strive for it. Every day of your life, make it a point to live for Him.

My God is not dead, He is surely alive.
He is surely alive.
Live like you will never have another day to show Him that He can use you. Give Him every piece of you. Every dirty piece of your heart - let Him clean it out and lay it down.
Lay it all down at His feet.
You can turn this life around.
God will never run out on you.

Love is the movement.

I have an apology to make.
Here I am, blogging about being a Christian, and yet I have been SUCH a hypocrite these past few months. So please forgive me for that.
I was standing in CV's the other day, (our local grocery store where I work) and a family of 3 came through my line. The little girl, around 8 probably, had an iPhone in her hands. The parents seemed sort of distant, and so I automatically assumed they gave their daughter whatever she wanted to keep her happy. "Spoiled kid," I automatically thought, and kept going on with the order. Later, a man came through my line. He had been through before, and I knew he rode a bike everywhere he went. He looked kind of rough, and so, ashamed as I am to say it, I automatically thought, "Ha, he's probably just some drug dealer."

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged." - Matthew 7:1

"Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for The Lord is able to make him stand." - Romans 14:1

It all clicked then.

Every person I see, whether it's in CV's, the street, school, WalMart... I judge them all. Automatically assume that they are some HORRIBLE people.
So I say to myself, "Jo, I bet he's a great guy with a great family at home that he's providing for."
But that may not be true. I stop myself. Here I am, a Christian, telling others not to judge. not to jump to conclusions. Yet I judge everyone I see.
Here's the thing. No, they may not have a great life. Maybe they do deal drugs. Maybe they don't care about their children. They make mistakes, just like me.

Here's the catch.
You've heard it 50,000,000,000 times in Sunday School. Learned it in AWANAS.
God loves them EXACTLY like He loves me. He cares for them. He's jealous for them. He's got His door wide open to them. Jesus didn't come for perfect people. He came for the lost. The broken. The hurting. The murderers. The drug dealers. The haters. The angry. That's who He came for.

So here's the thing. It's not about assuming somebody is a great person even if they don't look like it. It's not about repeating over and over to yourself that, "Hey, I bet they are really nice people!" It's about loving them no matter who they are. No matter if they've been to jail 10 times. No matter if they hate you.




No matter if they put you on a cross and slaughter you, because even then we are called to love like Christ.

1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

It's not about the moneyy.

I want so badly to be a missionary. I don't care where God takes me. I don't care if it's half way across the world. I just absolutely cannot wait.

I really truly believe God has given me a heart for missions because that's what he wants me to do. I want it with all my heart. Everything I've tried to set my heart on all these years seems like such a waste of time now.

But you want to know one thing that everyone seems to be concerned about?
Money.money.money.money.money.money.money.
Did I mention money?

Do you want to know how much a missionary gets paid?
Ehh, not much. well.. nothing. In Earthly currency that is. But they store up their real treasures in heaven.

When people talk to me about how much money they can't wait to make in their jobs and stuff, I just kind of smile and nod. Money doesn't excite me. That might come with being part of a family that's never exactly been rolling in dough. Maybe it's because the fact that I'm still living and breathing isn't because of money. It's because of this awesome God. He sent His only son to die - no, be SLAUGHTERED - for me so that I could live eternally with Him in heaven because He loves me that much. He loves us so much that He put every sin any of us have ever committed and put it on His son's shoulders. He took my blame. Took my shame. Took my guilt. That gift was something no amount of money could ever buy, so why should I base my life around money? It's useless paper that won't amount to anything in Heaven. Am I saying it's bad to make money? Absolutely not! I've just been blessed with a job that pays - wait for it - money! But I don't really worry about it. If God chooses to take that job away from me, then I know He won't leave me out in the dust. He'll provide; He always has.

Jobs are awesome things. The world needs bankers, and business men and women, and store managers, and dentists and doctors. I just don't feel that calling. I never really have, I guess. Growing up I could never put my finger on what exactly I want to do with my life. But when we left Michigan, I said to myself that I would NEVER be a missionary. I didn't want to have to uproot my family or cause them to have to worry about money. I saw kids around me getting everything they could ever want because they had money. But then God opened my eyes, and for once I saw past my own selfish desires and thoughts and it was like everything suddenly made sense. And here I am, 16 and ready to go wherever He takes me, doing the very thing I swore I'd never do. I want my kids to see that. And my grandkids, and my great-grandkids. I want them to experience God's faithfulness, even when times are hard. If my parents have taught me anything it's to wait and just see what God's gonna do, because He provides. HE PROVIDES!

We're Juniors, guys. When you sit down and start thinking about what it is you're going to do with your life, put aside the bill fold and the wallet and the credit cards. Grab your bible, and start praying like crazy. Where God takes you, I couldn't ever guess. But that's the exciting part of following Him. He has so many plans for you, if you'd just let Him start to reveal them to you.

Ready or not.

It's a new week. 5 more days to give God glory. How are you going to use this week? Well, let me just give you some encouragement :)

We are 1 and a half weeks into school, and I can honestly say that I haven't done squat to honor God. That's an incredibly shameful thing to have to admit, but I can't lie about it. All I've done is complain complain complain. "Waaaaahhh, I don't want to be heeerrrree!" "Oh, poor me. I have to be at school." Oh, cry me a river, Jo. Haha, anyway, here's the point.

Let's stop looking at school like it's some prison. It's not! School is one of the biggest opportunities we could possibly have to spread Christ!!! AHHH!! That makes me slightly excited. Okay, really excited. Anyway. This is a new week. A fresh start. So pray tonight. Stop right now and pray, right where you are. Pray that God will give people soft hearts to listen to whatever He wants to say through you, and that He'll give you the courage to say it. Okay? Pray. Right now. Then keep reading.

So that's my challenge to all of us, me included. This week is our chance to go out and spread God like wildfire. Who knows? We may wake up tomorrow and we won't have any time left to glorify God. He could come back any time. But until He does, START SPREADING HIM! Everywhere you go. Don't be scared, He's with you! Keep fighting the good fight until Christ returns. Go into this week with a renewed spirit, ready to battle through whatever satan throws at you! Put on the armor of God, and get ready. This is our chance. Let's make a difference.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:14

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men (and women!) of courage; be strong. Do everything in love." - 1 Corinthians 16:13

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action: be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy because I am holy." - 1 Peter 1:13

Let's go guys, cause God's not gonna wait forever. It's now or never.
Are you ready?

blinded.

The doors of the school mark a new milestone in your life. For sophomores, it's the start of the 3 years of high school that lie before them. For juniors, it reminds us that we still have one year after this one to get through. And for seniors, it's the beginning of the end of their childhood. But for all of us, those doors remind us that the laid back days of summer where it's easy to get by with a mediocre relationship with God are over. Behind those doors lies a world that will beg you to go down the wrong road. They will trick you into compromising your relationship with God for popularity in this temporary life. Those doors will ask you if you're ready to make a sacrifice for your eternal well-being rather than the temporary pleasure this life has to offer. Because believe me and any other junior or senior. High school asks you one question: who are you going to follow? There are two paths you can choose when you walk through those doors. There's no gray area. There's no room for fence riders. Either you fully commit yourself to not giving into the temptation that high school will throw in your face, or you give in. Yeah I know. You're not the kind of kid that does that kind of stuff. You're not that student that goes down that road. Well, I have news for you. I've lost a lot of friends to that road that promised they weren't ever going to change. They were going to follow God too. They were going to stand strong. But they didn't. And looking back, it's still hard for me to see those friends I've lost along the way. Being a Christian isn't always a popular choice when you're in high school. It's not convenient. And it's also not something you'll be perfect at. I know I'm sure not. But if you commit yourself to God and ask for strength and stop caring about the worldly ideas about having a relationship with God, it's not such an unreasonable thing to do.

But here's the thing:
It's hard to stop caring. I get that. I've been through it, and I still am. Sometimes I look at the kids around me that can go do things without feeling guilty or get invited to parties that may not even be bad, but they get invited because they're in the crowd. But guess what? In eternity, it's not going to matter how popular you were or how many parties you went to or how many boyfriends you had or if you played every sport in the book. This life is a temporary stop on our way to our destination. We were meant for more than parties and sports and friends. We were meant for this huge plan God has for our lives. But the world tells us that it's okay to make your own plan. "It's your future; make it what you want!" "Follow your heart!" "Live your life the way YOU want it." And when the outside world sees that you live your life differently, chasing after God, they close you out. And when that happens, you take your eyes off of God and look around. Nobody may be running with you. Maybe it's just you and God. And from the outside, looking in at what the world can offer may look inviting, but when you put your eyes back on God, all of that stuff fades into the background. It doesn't matter anymore. That's how it should be. It's like this: Our eyes have a blindspot in them, right on the front. So when you look up into a starry sky, you may not be able to see a certain star looking right at it,but if you focus somewhere else, suddenly that star comes into your peripheral vision and you can see it for how it really looks. Put your eyes back on it, and you're blinded to it. When you take your eyes off of God and look at what the world is shoving at you, all of that "stuff" looks great and inviting. But put your eyes back on Christ, and you can see the world for what it truly is, which is sinful and deceitful and untrustworthy. You name it. So when you come to realize that, let me give you this advice:

Do a 180 and run as fast as you can from the world. God will be waiting with outstretched arms, ready to take you back and help you along the journey of life.

So here it is kids. Tomorrow we're going to walk through the doors to Ozark High School, and we'll be bombarded with lies to cause us to stumble. In real life, don't do a 180 and sprint back out the doors, because then you'll be absent and your parents will probably think you skipped school. But in your heart, keep your eyes focused on God and he will guide you through the whirlwinds of those hallways.

In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path.

And p.s. If you ever find yourself giving up or overwhelmed with life, don't walk away from God. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I'm just a facebook message, text, phonecall, or conversation away. Don't be ashamed to either. Following Christ isn't going to be easy, but I promise it's going to be worth it.

I will reach the Summit.

Summit.
Keahbone.
Chris White band.

I am overwhelmed. I just want to be back, but I know God has plans for us here. I would honestly spend a month straight there. We might all get sick of each other, but I know I would not get sick of that overwhelming, beautiful, perfect presence called the Holy Spirit.
Keahbone is such a blessing. He allows God to speak through him and God uses him so much. My life is going to be different, I can feel it. I figured, you know after a few hours of being home I'll get over all of that feeling I had there, but I'm not. I'm overcome with the Spirit. He's in me. I read my bible tonight. I really read it. I studied it. I applied it. I actually memorized something. I started the One19 Revolution, which is Mike Keahbone's bible study. It's already starting to impact me. I just can't get over this. I think about what God's done, and what he's still doing in my heart, and I literally want to cry. Not sad tears, I don't even know if their joyful tears. It's like they are just tears of letting so much out that's been building up for so long. I'm finally letting go of so much. Believe me though, I came home and knew satan was already at his temptation games. But I have strength now. Not my strength, but the strength of the Holy Spirit, letting me know that I can do this through Christ who strengthens me. He gives me strength. I'll fall. I'll trip over something the devil sets out, but I have strength to get back up now. I have God to pick me back up. I have trust knowing that God's moving. I have faith that reminds me God is in complete control of any worry I can have.

Oh death, where is your sting? Oh hell, where is your victory? Oh church, come stand in the light. The glory of God has defeated the night! Oh death, where is your sting? Oh hell, where is your victory? Oh church, come stand in the light! Our God is not dead; He's alive, He's alive!!

My God is alive. He's reigning over us, and I know when He comes back, whether it's tonight, tomorrow, or 100 years from now, I'll be ready. I have so much love for him. So much passion that before this week, didn't exist. I just went through my relationship with Him. Some days I didn't even pray. But now, I just want to talk to Him. I just want to know Him. I just want to love Him. I just want to praise Him. He's all I want. I think about the stuff I wanted before He grabbed ahold of me this week, and I think, what on earth was I thinking? God is so much greater than this! He is ALL I need! All I want! He loves me unconditionally. He wants me to have this precious gift. Even though I hurt Him so much, he still invites me back. Now, what kind of friend on Earth would do that for you? God is the only one that satisfies. He's all that there will be. And in the end, He's all that will matter. I love Him so much. I can't say it enough. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH GOD!!!

THE GLORY OF GOD HAS DEFEATED THE NIGHT!

worth.

my biggest critic is me.

people have said that to me before. Coach Nagel tells me that all the time. my dad says it all the time. but until tonight I never really realized it.

I was sitting outside thinking about something, and all of the sudden, I just said to myself, "Jo, you are so immature. just shut up about this. you always get yourself into this. just shut up about it already."

some people might think I'm crazy for talking to myself. I probably am. some people might say that it's the devil attacking me or something. but I know my heart, and I know that was me saying that. and I literally felt myself cower down and shut up. and you know something else? it really hurt. maybe I'm just sensitive. I dunno. but I do know that I do that all the time. I just tell myself I'm stupid, because I know it'll stop my complaining. but after awhile you kind of begin to believe that you really are stupid.

and that's where satan comes back into play.

words get whispered into your ears against your will.

worthless.
worthless.
worthless.

you will never be anything more than this.

but you know what? God doesn't have that same point of view about my life.

I gave my son for you; you were bought at a price. you are NOT worthless.
you are not worthless.
you are not worthless.
you.are.not.worthless.

I know I'm not the only one that satan plays mind tricks on. I know others feel this way.
Maybe you feel this way. Yeah, you.
But I have news for you. news that satan isn't gonna like. news that I'm going to rub in HIS worthless face.
you aren't worthless.
you
are NOT
worthless.

congratulations, cause we've made it all the way home.

We're growing up.

I am just about done with my sophomore year, and I'm preparing to slap a few kids on the back and congratulate them on graduating. I don't like it. No, not one bit. So here's a little something for some that I've gotten to be pretty stinking close to.

Tyra Dutton:
What can I even say? You are just so amazing. You have been such an inspiration to me. You have stayed strong in your faith through all these years, and you are such a true friend. You care so much for people, and that's something I love so much about you. You think of others before yourself, and JEEZ I mean what a beautiful person. Christ absolutely shines through you and I can't wait to see what he has in store for you. Even though you are scared of the future and unsure of what to do, I can promise you that he's not done with you yet. The God that I know cares for his children, and I know he will take good care of you out there. I love you so much.

Shelby Armstrong:
I still remember meeting you back when my mom made me help with VBS and you were going into tenth grade. I thought you were just the coolest thing, and even after 3 years I can still say the same thing. I'm unbelievably excited to see where God takes you. Shelb, you are such a beautiful person, inside and out. You care so deeply about people, and you are a great friend. Even though I'm sad to see you leave, I'm even more excited to watch you grow in your faith and find new places that you'd never dreamed God would take you to. Just be ready, because I plan on making MANY escapes to your dorm :)

Lydia Humphrey:
Oh, Lyd, I don't know if I've ever seen you not smiling. You are always so so so so happy! I LOVE that. I love that you are totally your own person. I love that you love God. I love that you are just one of my best friends. I know you're pretty scared of what all this growing up junk is about, but believe me, God's gonna show you what he wants you to do. Life keeps on moving whether we like it or not, but I know that you will do amazing things. You are SO gorgeous, inside and out, and that's so special. You are so genuinely caring, and one of the best friends I could ask for. I love you so much Lydia :)

Maebry Halmes:
MAEBS! You have been through so so so much, and still you chose to overcome. You are an absolute inspiration, and I'm so glad that you are here today. Jesus has a HUGE plan for you, I can just tell. Even through the worst circumstances you could have chosen to give up, but you never did. You are so strong, and I love it. You are such a good friend, and always have a smile on your face. You mean so much to me, and I can't wait to see what God does in your life. I love you so much.

Morgan Casto:
Oh, Morg, where would I be without you? When things got rough in basketball, you were always the one that stayed strong and kept on truckin'. I already miss you, and your hair and humor and laugh and everything. You are SUCH a beautiful girl, and I love you so much!! God has something in store for you that I can't even imagine yet, but I know he's got big plans. You are a truly caring person, and you were always quick to make sure everyone was okay on the team. You think of others before yourself and that's so cool. I'm so blessed to have you in my life and I love you so much. :)

To all the other seniors, follow God's plan. He's got such good plans for you guys, and he just wants to work through each one of you. I've been so blessed to know each one of you, and it will be real hard to say goodbye. I love you guys.

Worship. Please, just worship.

I think you think you get it. I think you think that you understand exactly what I'm talking about when I say worship. I think you think, "oh. Isn't that that time after dodgeball during wednesday night church when we all line up and mumble the words to those songs no one actually cares about?"
I think you just don't get it. I think you will never get it until you ALLOW yourself to understand and grasp just how stinking important worship is.
GUYS. LET ME MAKE THIS VERY CLEAR. WHEN WE PRAISE, WE DON'T DO IT FOR EACH OTHER. WE DO IT FOR THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE THAT SAVED US FROM A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH. A FATE THAT WOULD MAKE DEATH LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF CAKE. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND JUST HOW MUCH OF A BIG DEAL THIS IS.
Oh my goodness. Like, seriously I can't even begin to describe to you what it's like when you really, truly, deeply, let go and just praise. JUST PRAISE. Praise him for your family. praise him for being forgiven. praise him for never letting go. praise him for the hard times. praise him for the good times. just praise him.

But Jo, that kind of praise just doesn't exist. maybe it does in some other universe, but not here. not in this world. not in this country. not in Arkansas. not in OZARK of all places. No Jo, that kind of praise doesn't happen here.

BUT IT CAN!!!!!!!!! IT CAN! I'VE SEEN IT. Guys, I've seen that praise. I've grown up with that praise. I know that praise. I've lived through that praise. I WANT THAT PRAISE! And it can happen. I believe that. We just have to stop looking around at the kid next to us hoping they don't hear the quiet whispered lyrics coming through those lips. We live in a world that says "Be unique!" "Stand out!", and standing out seems great at first. Yeah, I get to be different and have attention. But when we come into that youth building suddenly we don't want to be unique. Suddenly we freeze and say, wait. I have to be like everyone else and not sing. I have to wait for someone else to stand up and sing.
But if you're waiting for someone else, just count on waiting for a long time. because at least in my youth group not a whole lot of people care too much for singing. I want us to praise Him though. Because even though we may have the most horrible voices or whatever, God deserves at least our praise.
Doesn't he?

As I write this I am literally on the verge of sobbing. You may think that you understand just what praise is. You may think you understand what I'm talking about. But until you give all of that self-conscience-ness about standing out or whatever the problem is to God? You will never understand. And you HAVE to just figure it out. Because once you understand, it is unlike almost anything else. Anything.
And if you have figured it out?
Praise Jesus, because maybe I'm not crazy when I say all this. Maybe there is more to praise than standing awkwardly waiting to sit down because your feet hurt so much. Maybe there's more. There has to be more. There is more.

Pray.

My dear friends, don't let public opinion influence how you live out our glorious, Christ-originated faith. - James 2:1

My friends and I have started going up to people and just asking if they need prayer. It's sliiiiightly terrifying, uncomfortable, and hard, but we believe that prayer is so, so, so, SO important. Know why? Well let me give you a little list.

God can't stand pious poses, but he delights in genuine prayers. - Proverbs 15:8
When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. - Luke 6:28
Pray all the time. - 1 Thessalonians 5:17
God's there, listening for all who pray, for all who pray and mean it. - Psalm 145:18
Are you hurting? Pray. - James 5:13
Hallelujah! Thank God! Pray to Him by name! Tell everyone you meet what He has done! - Psalm 105:1

Could God make it any clearer? HE WANTS US TO PRAY!


But it's hard to rebel against the things the world says are right, when everyone is staring at you differently. When people think you're crazy or weird for going up and asking to pray with them, it's hard for me. Some people don't care, but it's hard for me to do that. Honestly, it's really intimidating. But James 2:1 tells us we shouldn't let what people think of us keep us from living and sharing our faith. We shouldn't let the whispers and stares of the kids in the hallway distract us from what is right. Because I know that God is real, and His opinion of me is what really matters. If God wants me to pray, I'm going to do it. And I'm going to do it the hard way because if I always just stand back on the sidelines asking God to help them with whatever they need, I won't grow. I have to step out of that comfort zone and go up to that girl sitting alone, or the whole table of kids if that's what God asks of me, and ask them personally what they need prayer for. That may not be what God is asking of everyone, but I know that's what he wants of me. So I'll give it. I'll give myself over to him and stop worrying about what people think, even though it's hard. Because when God says in the bible to freely give, I think he wants us to freely give to him too, not just people, even when it's hard. So right now, it's time for us to freely give ourselves to God and his perfect plan. And if freely giving yourself over to God means going up to that table of kids and asking if anyone needs prayer, then you'd better do it, because if you won't be a tool God can use, he'll find someone else who will.

So God, give me boldness. Send me over to that group of kids. I'll go.
Will you?